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Riaan Cruywagen vs Chuck Norris


Riaan Cruywagen is fluent in twenty seven of the eleven official languages.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Riaan Cruywagen knows the news before it happens.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Riaan Cruywagen knew you would say that.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Some people believe Riaan Cruywagen wears a toupee - he has, in fact, One perfect hair. The one that covers his entire head - giving it that, 'not quite real' look. Riaan himself is not quite real.


Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

One night during an ad break on the 8 o'clock news, Riaan Cruywagen
mentioned to the makeup lady that he was 'tired of this apartheid nonsense'. Nelson Mandela was released from prison the next day.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Riaan Cruywagen wasn't born, he thought himself into existence.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Riaan Cruywagen never blinks; if he does the entire world would just not
happen for that split second.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

When Sir Edmund Hillary reached the summit of Mount Everest, he was
welcomed by Riaan Cruywagen, who briefly interviewed him, before wiring the
information through to the SAUK.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Riaan Cruywagen will never die. His soul gets transferred to another identical body via various arcane rituals and current nano-technology thrice fortnightly.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn. -
Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

After reading the news Riaan Cruywagen built the pyramids. It took precisely 17 minutes to draw up the plans and then a further six minutes to think them into existence.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Who do you think wins the battle of eternal heros?

There

  1. Blogger Poly | Wednesday, March 08, 2006 11:25:00 PM |  

    What about David Hasselhof? You can't have an epic battle without the hoff.

    heard another great one today:The only reason Kenny G is still alive is because Chuck Norris does not kill women. hahahahahaha